Is HR actually a science? Or is it more like Project Management, where no public (federal, provincial, municipal) project ever comes in on time or budget. I took a random job requirement listing sample and looked at the specific requirements.
Job Requirements
• Bachelor’s degree in Computer Science, Information Management Systems, and Business Management, Statistics or equivalent work experience: Which means exactly what? 3 years of coding, report writing? Does a BCom count? How about an MBA or no degree, but coding experience (sort of like Bill Gates). Store manager for Staples?
• 3+ plus years of work experience programming, business intelligence report writing, report development tool usage and business requirements gathering: Ok, someone with actual coding skills, not just Word or the all-time favorites Excel and PowerPoint. Though programming in what?
• Must possess the ability to manage multiple concurrent projects and assignments: Requirement that applies to every job. Sort of like ability to breathe and walk and chew gum at the same time
• Proven experience in effectively partnering with business teams to deliver their goals and outcomes by designing user-friendly reports: And I am going to prove this how? Pretty sure current employer would not want me to share/show reports
• Good interpersonal skills, with the keenness or experience of interacting with global teams of different cultures or nationalities: Yeah sure, as long as they are on eastern standard time and speak English without too much of a heavy accent
• Advanced computer skills in programs such as MS Word, Excel, and Outlook: Didn’t know you can have advanced computer skills in Outlook. Are they talking about the contact manager or calendar functions? Send, search, reply and reply all covers most of what people do.
• Ability to define problems, collect data, establish facts and draw valid conclusions; Apart from the times when I thought the conclusions were valid, but happened to be wrong. What would Edison do? He was way more wrong than I have been. He also invented the light bulb and I didn’t
• Ability to think logically, follow procedures, instructions and make sound decisions: If you follow procedures (algorithms) and instructions where does the thinking part come in?
• Ability to go from high-level vision to low-detail: from strategy to tactical. In the military they have different ranks for that. In business too. Low level is coding. High level is dashboards and 300 word summaries. And then there was the time where I developed a report in 1 day (the info) and spent 4 days on fonts and layout. 1 day low-detail ( actual numbers) and 4 days high-level (if I put more than 132 chars per line you cannot read it without a magnifying glass)
• Ability to exercise independent judgment within established systems and procedures: Independent within a confined set of rules. ‘If then else.’ Follow the rules and CYA. Independent? Not so much.
• Ability to work a flexible schedule, extended hours, holidays, and/or weekends as needed: Forget 9-5. Welcome to 24/7. But look at the bright side, this way you will avoid sitting on the 400/404 heading north Friday afternoons in the summer. Or you can always get a Rocket Hub and work at the lake.
• Develop automation, scalability and depth of all metrics with a focus on Cognos report writing: Sure, every coder wants to automate rather than to keyboard. But not all metrics are created equal
• Respond to ad hoc requests for data analytics and report writing as needed: Especially on Friday afternoons before 1st Monday of August or September
• Hybrid role of analyst/developer (not infrastructure): Not sure I get the infrastructure hint
• Experienced assisting users in software systems specific to Distribution/Manufacturing, warehouse management, freight management systems, etc. This is considered a plus: Assisting users is normal. Users usually know more about systems than managers. Helping managers can be more of an eye-roll experience
• Basic knowledge of Sequel (SQL); used for query, profiling and testing: At least they added (SQL). The last time I saw Sequel was never
• Working knowledge of Microsoft SSRS is also a plus: Cannot make a snarky comment about this one, though I do not know SSRS that is not Microsoft
• Ability to read, write and verbally communicate at an advance level in English, as the position requires interactions via telephone, email and face to face conversations with employees and executives: Apart from missing the ‘d’, what is advanced English? Interactions via telephone and face to face: OMG.
• Missing the ‘Excellent communication skills’ and ‘Works well within teams as well as independently’
Conclusions:
• Hire an accountant. They speak Excel. I am sure they can be trained in Cognos or whatever
• Treat job requirements as vague. 50+% never actually apply